3. UNCONSCIOUS SABOTAGE

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Hey, welcome back and let’s get right into it. We talked so far about the importance of the focus and of the strategies that we need, in order to become successful in creating a desired goal, right? And now we need to uncover the Your Story and Your State, as final components of this puzzle.

So what are Stories that I talk about? What is MY story, what is YOUR story? Well Stories… are what drive us day-to-day, and they are what inspire us to take action, or prevent us… from moving a muscle. Stories that we learn, or tell to ourselves are powerful beyond measure and they tend to govern most of our life onwards.

And how are these stories formed, where did they come from for us… you see… as a general example, in our context here, this is what happens. Most people don’t go to a real expert and get the strategies from them. They try things on their own, or source strategies from the non-expert domain 🙂

And in reality, what happens then is this - without the right strategy, we will most probably fail.  And when we fail, we develop a lousy story, right?

‘My Wife will never be satisfied.’ ‘I’ll never lose the weight.’ ‘The only people who make money are the ones who already have the money.’ Ever heard these before?

Such limiting stories keep us from finding the right strategies, or, even if we HAVE the right strategies, from executing them.

These are stories we tell ourselves to simply protect us from feeling the pain of failing… or hurting our ego and we start blaming things outside ourselves.

Do you know anyone like that? I am sure you do…

You put the answer right in front of your friend’s very eyes, and they still say, ‘No, that will never work BECAUSE…’ and then they’ll tell you a million reasons why it won’t work – they’ve got it all covered, they’ve got every excuse possible. And the funny part is that, these excuses even seem rational and plausible.

So if the right strategies are there in front of us, why aren’t people using them? Why are they still not achieving their goals?  Why is it so hard to maintain a passionate relationship or lose the weight once and for all?

Are the majority of people overweight, because of the lack of strategy or is it really hard to become fit, and healthy, is it really so complex?

Is the information hidden and only available to a very few, who can afford them? No. The answers are available everywhere: there’s always a gym with someone who can instruct you within a short drive. Or imagine that you were to walk there instead, hey? 🙂

There are trainers all over the place, some of which will even coach you at your home, wherever you are! The world is filled with fitness expert’s advice, and of course, there are thousands of books on fitness and weight loss available for you to download right now to your iPad or smartphone.  You’d have to work to AVOID the strategies for becoming fit, strong, and healthy, wouldn’t you?

I am telling you, it’s not the strategies that’s the issue, the issue is a story that you adopted, inherited, bought into, one way or another, isn’t it? Because you see… once the story is in place, it becomes your reality onwards. Our stories matter, more than the world outside of us.

It seems to me that we live 95% of our lives on autopilot, habitually, and for that reason… psychology is a lot more important than strategy or mechanics. How else do you explain how someone can know what he needs to do, wants to do it, has the right strategy to get it done, and still does the opposite?

To solve this riddle, we have to delve into the psychology of people: their values, attitudes, beliefs, and emotions that drive us. We tend to create limiting or empowering stories… And it’s easy to come up with limiting stories when our strategy or lack of action doesn’t work, isn’t it?

If you’re not taking action and the answer is sitting there in front of you, there’s only one reason: you’ve created a set of beliefs that you’ve tied into a story – a story about why it won’t work, why it can’t work, why it only works for other people.  It’s only for the rich, the thin, the lucky, and the happy in relationships, right?

It’s easy to come up with a limiting story. And when we do, these Limiting Stories Become Self-Fulfilling Prophecies… We get what we EXPECT… from ourselves, from others, and from life, don’t we?

Why bother to take action on a strategy that you ‘know’ will fail? Well, usually strategy isn’t the problem. Your story is…. A half-hearted approach that says, ‘It might work, but it probably won’t …’ of course it won’t! That doubt, that belief, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

With a dis-empowering story, failure is nothing less than guaranteed.  Which, of course, only reinforces your belief that nothing will work.  And so the cycle continues.

So what do we do now? You’ve got to step up and claim your life back, because people who are successful, change their story. They take their attitudes, their beliefs, their actions into their own hands, and in that way, they claim their life back. When you change the way you do things, you get different results, don’t you?

The people who make changes that stick, create compelling stories for themselves and for their world.  They use stories to create possibility and to empower them to take action.

People who get stuff done, who accomplish, who shift, who grow, who learn… they take their strategy and attach a new story to it: a story of empowerment, a story instead of ‘I can’t and I won’t.’  into the one of ‘I can and I will”. It goes from being a story of limiting success to a story of empowerment: ‘I will NOT be one of the many who can’t, I will be one of the few who DO.’

Bottom line is this, you can use your story, or your story can use you.  And the beauty of it is this, everybody has an empowering story if he or she wants to create it.  What’s WRONG with your life, is just as easy to find as what’s RIGHT with your life, when your story changes.

If yet another relationship isn’t working out for you, then we go into the story of “all the good guys are taken”, right? There’s always a story… and it keeps reinforcing itself.

Have you heard of the following truth: In any moment in time, our Stories control our emotions, and our emotions drive all of our behavior and actions? Let me say it again, in any moment in time, our Stories control our emotions, and our emotions drive all of our behavior and actions.

And since our actions create results in our lives, then that means that… if you Change Your Story, You Change Your Life.

How about that, change your story, change your life? What would happen if you divorce the story of limitation and marry the story of the truth? Well… everything changes then, doesn’t it? I can tell you this much: when you get rid of the limiting stories, take massive action, and find the strategies that work, the results you can create are truly miraculous.

I am a living proof of that, and so many other people you already know about. We changed our stories of bad relationships, of poverty and our lives literally changed. I’ve done it, other people have done it, that means you can do it too.

Changing your story changes how you see your world, and it changes how you see yourself.  You can use your stories to redefine yourself and re-imagine what’s possible.

When you go into an angry state, it switches on the part of your brain that supports that state, and the story that keeps you there quickly appears, right? By contrast, if you’ve ever fallen head over heels in love, can you remember how you saw the world?

Everything was rather wonderful, right? How were your energy levels? What happened with your pains, with your problems? They all seemingly disappeared from your reality and you found yourself in an ideal world, weren’t you? Those were the days, hey?

Funny bit is this though: nothing prevents you to experience such life all over again, in any context of it. It’s never too late to re-invent yourself, I’ve seen it so many times and I am the one still doing it, still tweaking my stories and thus… the word I live in.

Ok, so what about Your State then, the final component? Well, even if you have the best strategy and a great story… If you don’t change your state, you can easily stay stuck. You’ll play the same broken record over and over again in your head.  If you want to break out of being stuck, then change your state to create new options and new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting.

“Your mental and emotional state colors your perception and experience of everything in life.  There’s a part of you that, when it’s turned on, can make anything happen; but when it’s turned off, the world is dead.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? You know when you get in the zone, and everything flows just perfectly, without you even having to think about it?

You say exactly the right thing in the meeting, or walk out of the negotiation with exactly what you wanted…

While on the other hand, we’ve also experienced the opposite: we couldn’t remember our own address, do very simple calculations, or spell the name of our own family member, right? That is called a stupid state 😉  But a few minutes later, it all comes back to you, you remember the answers because… you get in a different state, right?

So, how do you change your state….? Well, your state is determined by 3 things:

Focus, Meaning and Physiology.

Another wise guy said: It’s your decisions, not conditions, that determine your destiny.

Your first decision is what to focus on.  Whatever you focus on, is what you’re going to feel.  Most of us let our surroundings control our focus instead of consciously deciding what that focus will be.

And everyone has a pattern of focus.
Do you tend to focus on what you can control, or what you can’t control?
Do you tend to focus on what you have, or what’s missing?
Do you tend to focus on the future, the present, or the past?

Do you tend to focus on what’s good and working in your life, or on what isn’t and doesn’t?

I just came back from a fancy holiday, with blue skies, crystal clear, warm oceanic waters and underwater life of abundance. My preferred environment I must say. And now we just came back to Europe, in the middle of a winter and this morning, it was even snowing!

And you see, I can go and complain about it and say how I hate winter and swear at this snow and freezing weather… or… I can get myself excited about the snow and celebrate the nature we are a part of. Find good in it and align myself with the flow of nature, so that I can feel like I belong here, rather than being separate.

So this morning I was like, It’s snowing!!!! Wow!!! Can’t wait to show it to my kids and my brain started contemplating all sorts of fun stuff we could do today! Which we did, hey  :))

Circumstances don’t make me feel anything, there is no inherited meaning in any of it by the way. The meaning happens inside of us, I am just consciously aware, sometimes and I get to choose the meaning, I give the meaning to things around me.

And I do that… because it determines my state… which determines the range of behavior I can produce in that moment… which is where all my results come from. So it’s super important to not just buy into any meaning that our mind produces, but to questions it in pick a more useful one.

So you need to become aware of your patterns so you can make the needed shift. But many of us try to do it the hard way, by trying to change our thinking first – in order to change the “meaning” … but man… that’s always far easier said than done, isn’t it? I mean… that’s easy to do while in a positive, resourceful state, while it seems to be ultra-hard to do, while in the middle of an emotional challenge, right?

By changing your physical body, your physiology first, you can change your mind as well. How about that? The fastest way to change your emotional state, is to change your physiology, did you know that?

You can change your breathing, you can change your posture, you can move in a new way.  Hold yourself high. Erect your spine. Breathe as if you had full confidence.  Move like you already have the state you would like to have...

There are many ways to create immediate change in your state, but one of the simplest and easiest ways is to change your physiology. You can change the way you think by changing the way you move and breathe.  Emotion is created by motion.  Movement is the cure to all fear because fear is physical.  You feel it in your mouth, in your body, in your stomach.

But courage is also physical, and you can move from one to another in a moment, if you learn to make radical shifts in the way you move, breathe, speak, and use your physical body.  So what does this mean for you today….?

When you decide to own your strategies, stories, and states… you will own your life!

So decide what you want to do… find the best model you can find, confront your story … tell yourself a new story that empowers you, and move in new ways that create powerful states for personal change and transformation.

Whether you're looking to transform your professional life or your personal life, no matter how old you are or, what you've experienced, if you don’t change your story… you will not change your results. This is an invitation to do just that… change your story and change your life.

So, how do we break our negative states? How do we make the shift towards positive thought and feeling patterns?

It all comes down to making the conscious decision to recondition your mind with empowering beliefs. Empowering beliefs help you transition into a new state of being where you have absolute certainty — you don’t just believe that you are capable of achieving great things, YOU KNOW IT.

And when you have a mind-set that what you’re doing is going to work, no matter what, you can propel yourself to accomplish virtually anything. Because when you’re certain about your potential, you take massive action. And when you take massive action, you get massive results, reinforcing the belief that you are not only capable of, but are destined for greatness.

By reconditioning your mind, you will be making a conscious effort to transition into a new state of being that will eventually change your world. Instead of being ruled by fear or doubt, you will feel empowered by confidence and positivity. You have the desire. You want a bigger and better life. You want to live up to your full potential. So isn’t it time you let yourself?

Courage doesn’t mean not being afraid. It means being afraid… but going for it anyway…. Now go inside yourself and… find your courage to continue excelling in life and create what you always wanted.

I sincerely hope that you found my thoughts on this matter useful to you and, I hope you are inspired to achieve great things in life now. I know it in my heart that… if you were to set some goals and new year resolutions, you’d do them differently this time, you’d do them with a much bigger, bolder intention, daring to dream again and inspire yourself to go beyond your perceived limitation.

Keep on learning and growing my friend, whether it’s with me or anyone else that you trust. People invest in my Life Coach or NLP trainings or even just come for one of my Workshops that I deliver live. Some invest in the online courses that I’ve made and yet, a few simply cannot afford to do that yet.

This is why I create as much free content as I possibly can, guiding people of all walks of life, those who can afford it, those that cannot – it doesn’t matter to me. I am here to serve the fellow human beings, to follow my heart, to dance to my tune, sing my song and serve my purpose.

Those that cannot afford more personalized time with me, I help them through a channel like this. Those that can and want to, they invest in more advanced programs with me. I can only extend my invitation in serving your purpose further, for you to explore my online courses or come and meet me in person live, on one of our upcoming workshops and trainings. You can always get the details from our website rsimic.com and get in touch with us for current specials and offers, and see how we can help you grow and become more.

Thank you for watching, I love you and I look forward to serving your purpose further. Goodbye for now and remember to stay strong, keep dreaming and… love yourself. Ciao